PhoenicianDream's Journal
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6 entries this month
missing pieces
21:17 Jul 28 2007
Times Read: 1,148
Solitude is a very evil and all consuming bizzle.
Have you ever taken a puzzle off of the shelf, suddenly deciding to put it together again after not having looked at it for years? When you get to the very end you notice there are several pieces that just aren't there.
That's how I feel right now. Several pieces of me are missing. I'm just not the same anymore with none of my friends around. Several parts of who I am have been developed by my relationships with friends. With the absence of those friendships those parts of me are simply... not there.
I extend my hand reaching for what was once there, but I am met with only empty air. I whisper in to the night, desperately hoping for some form of reply.. only to hear deafening silence. A single tear falls, but no one is around to catch it so it must not exist.
I fear I will never be whole again.
*screams*
22:00 Jul 19 2007
Times Read: 1,168
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!
Who would have thought....
three little words....
three FUCKING little words...
could ruin my day...
"I love you"
no you don't...
lets not pretend like you do...
if you do....
you sure as fuck don't treat me like you do...
... just stop haunting me..
please.
I've got mail!07:46 Jul 19 2007
Times Read: 1,170
Snail mail in fact. My sister sent me a card in the mail. It's one of those cards that plays a song when you open it.
"Everybody was kung fu fighting! Those cats were fast as lightning! ...."
LOL It's almost sad how easy I am to please and amuse. I'm not simple minded, but I'm a simple person. The smallest gestures go a very long way with me.
I have to admit I teared up a little reading the card. I'm still not over my home sickness. It's been over two weeks since I've heard the voice of any of my friends. Usually my phone would be flooded with amusingly dork-ish messages they leave me (just like the ones I leave them).
They are just busy. I'm sure. They will call when they have time.
As soon as I get a little spending money I'll be buying stamps and mailing out letters and cards. Perhaps this will make them smile.. even the slightest bit would make me happy.
good - VS - bad02:51 Jul 14 2007
Times Read: 1,186
It's friday the thirteenth and a new moon. Perhaps I will get lucky and the two will counter each other.
I'd rather have no effects than good transfused with bad.
In case you're wondering which is which. The new moon is bad.
I haven't felt right all day, perhaps the new moon eclipses everything else that's going on (so to speak).
- sigh -
06:17 Jul 13 2007
Times Read: 1,194
I'm officially homesick.
I have no idea how to deal with it.
I missed my mothers birthday, and my fathers birthday. Today is another friends birthday.
My best friend told me she's now pregnant.
My friends are doing things that I would be doing with them if I were there. (Not that I'm dumb enough to expect the world to stop without my presence.) I'm just missing out, and missing them.
I suppose this is what happens when birds leave the nest. They either learn to fly, or fall and die.
shit happens19:38 Jul 04 2007
Times Read: 1,207
Some days I'm convinced that my masochism and idiocy knows no limits.
I picked up and moved away from everyone in my life that has proven to give a shit about me. Things are not going as planned and my support system is two travel days away.
Perhaps on some subconscious level I knew this would happen. I've always wanted the opportunity to fade in to the darkness. To simply disappear while no one was looking. After all how can anyone miss what is simply not there.
Things could possibly get better, things could possibly get worse. I'm just not dealing with all of the mishaps as well as I thought I would.
Some unexpected turns are harder to deal with than others.
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